Reflections Around Loss

I wrote this series of conception and pregnancy questions to support mothers experiencing loss and grieving.  The responses help to create a “life story” around this being so that the mother has a fuller story around the pregnancy to move forward with.

This story can  help to give form to something that’s generally seen and experienced at a deep level, yet invisibly to society.  There’s so much richness to draw from no matter how long the pregnancy lasted or the circumstances under which the pregnancy ended.  And sometimes sharing more around the story of the pregnancy helps to “clear the decks” for the mama, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  It’s one way to honor the memory and can offer comfort in honoring the fullness of that life.  It can also honor the ongoing, energetic, sustained relationship connection that many mothers feel with their babies.

Reflecting back and answering these questions can help to give form to this child’s own story with her, how the life together changed her, and how this passage is experienced by her.

When you are ready, I welcome the opportunity to hear your stories.



by Erica Chase-Salerno, Wyld Acres

1.  Describe your conception of this baby. (What is the story of the conception of this chid? Details and highlights? Timing? What stands out to you about it?)  The pure essence of the beginning of your lives together as mother/child can offer some profund insights into the spirit of the child.

2.  Describe your pregnancy.  (When did you know?  How did you know?  How did you share it?  When?  With whom?  Highlights, lowlights, feelings, questions, concerns, joys, dreams, wonderings, obsessions, cravings, moods, interests, prenatal care, baby nicknames, healings, challenges, decisions, challenges overcome, birth plans, other events taking place during this time.  Who “were” you during this pregnancy?  What were any connections between other people and this baby?)
Babies often use this time to draw out the fullness of the mother, both literally and figuratively.  These “clues” can offer information around personal growth you experienced to better connect with the child.  Any personality shifts you may have experienced during pregnancy can be seen as personality traits of the child and/or traits the child wanted you to develop to be better equipped with parenting the child, including parenting into an end of life passage.

3.  Describe the end of your pregnancy.  (When did you know?  How did you know?  How did you share it?  When?  With whom?  What were some of the odd, quirky, surreal moments along the way?  Share some of the feelings, questions, concerns, wonderings, challenges, and decisions, as well as anything unusual that seems to have accompanied your days.  How did the end of the pregnancy take place?  Did any feelings come up that echoed those you’ve had previously?  How did you say “good-bye” to this child?)
Sometimes the ending of a pregnancy holds parallels to its beginnings which can offer comfort in an otherwise random-seeming event.  Sometimes the mother’s intuition is affirmed in her “knowings,” which she can believe in as she applies her intuition to other situations.  It’s something she can grow to increasingly depend on.

4.  Did you name the child?  If not officially, then in your heart?  What was the name?  How did you determine that name?  What is the history of that name/what does that name mean?

5.  What things remind you of this child, now?  What makes you cry about this child?  What triggers a smile or makes you laugh about this baby being?  What are some of the things that offer comfort to you in your grieving?

6.  What are some of the gifts this child brought into your life?  What about you feels changed?

7.  What else should the world know about this baby being?

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